The Oat

I recently celebrated my 9 year anniversary with my beau, Mister Man. We haven’t taken “the plunge”, but I feel married in my heart…just no walk down the aisle…yet.

It’s funny to be celebrating a near decade together because, well… you see….Mister Man was supposed to be an Oat. Something you sow, enjoy,  and then move along.

Here’s why:

  • I had finally pulled the plug on my marriage after being separated for 6 years.
  • My ex husband was the only man I had ever had sex with up to my decision to explore my feminine wiles.
  • I had just gotten out there again and had only one “Notch on my bedpost”.
  • Mister Man is 14 years younger than me.
  • I had no intention of starting another long term relationship.

What is the old saying…”Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans”? That saying could not be more true for me. He stole my heart. I had several rebuttals lined up for his argument in favor of love and he shot them down…one by one. I was terrified and he made me feel safe. The look in his eyes told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world and he told me so…often.

So here we are, nine years later. I could tell you it’s been sheer bliss…but that would be a lie. There have been some terribly rocky times. Sometimes I want to plant him, walk away and go check out the corn. But I love him and I won’t  let any “boweavels” keep me from my lovely oat.

P.S. I’ve always thought we look a bit like Kermit and Miss Piggy. He’s so cute and skinny and I am Glamorous and plump! 😉

piggy and kermit

Standard

A Picture is Worth 1000 (Negative) Words

jenny

Anytime I see a picture of myself, I focus on my flaws. I think I look like Quasimoto in every single one. I am not photogenic (I’ve been told as much, by several people), but I also think I’m probably a bit hard on myself.

When I see pictures of others I see sweet eyes, a bright smile, a joyful expression and many other wonderful things. I love to look a pictures of my friends and family. They are so beautiful.

I need to look at photos of myself with those same eyes.

So here’s a challenge. Share a photo of yourself and tell me what you like about it.

The lady in the picture above looks happy and friendly. And…she sure does like her crawfish! 😉

Standard

“…but I used to…”

I’ve always thought I was strong about my weight, age and general visage.

I’m fond of repeating my mantra to my sister (who has struggles with image) “I am beautiful, no matter what!” I will even, on occasion, refer to myself as an Ample Goddess. I sound very enlightened and beyond the judgement of others, but the truth is much more cloudy…

Lately, I’ve been really listening to myself. When I speak of my body, I say “…but I used to be very thin!” When I speak of my hair, I say “…but it used to be a nice auburn red…” When I speak of my age, I say “…but I don’t look as old as I am…” These all seem to be almost like apologies for not being the young, thin, ginger haired girl of the past.

I do miss that young Miss and maybe it’s her I am apologizing to. I’m sorry for gaining weight, going grey/white and getting wrinkles. I’m sorry I let time catch up to me and leave it’s mark on my perfect young body. See, I’m no longer sounding so enlightened and impervious.

BUT

Now that I have listened, I’m going to stop apologizing and start loving that Ample Goddess with the lovely greying hair and laugh lines around the eyes. She’s well seasoned and is much more interesting than the girl of my youth. She has seen and done things that silly young girl could not even imagine. She’s earned every curve, “stress highlight’, and wrinkle.

My goal is to replace “…but I use to…” with “I am…” No more apologies, just listening to and believing my own mantra.

I, the Ample Goddess, am beautiful, no matter what!

Standard

An Introduction

My name is Jenny.

I’m 46 years old.

I’m a human being, daughter, girlfriend, sister, friend, ex-wife, citizen, employee, pet owner, questioning Christian, plus size diva, singer, crafter, actor, cook… I could go on, but I think you get the point. I don’t proclaim to be an expert at any of these titles, but that won’t stop me from discussing them at length.

This journey of a blog will most likely be random and unfocused. It will most certainly have grammatical errors and it may bore everyone but me. I’m giving it a shot because I have things to share with whoever might be willing to listen and I understand that this is a great place to do just that.

So, here I go.

Brace yourselves…

Big_Beautiful_Wonder_Woman_by_agrivaine

Standard